not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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