so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
