the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
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