I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
