Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
