My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
