Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
