Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
