hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Randomize
