eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
