so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
