The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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