You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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