i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I think my nap took me to another dimension
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
