Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
