xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
So squirting runs in the family.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
