i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize