Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize