She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
