Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize