he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
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