I just made out with a guy for $7.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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