I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
