i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I am spending my child support on dildos
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
