I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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