Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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