"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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