things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
