Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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