My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Randomize
