You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize