I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize