all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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