ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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