tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
