the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
