my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
