Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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