So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
