Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
