our cab driver is having phone sex.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
