I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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