Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
