It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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