I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
