His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
