Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
