I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
