I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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