YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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