Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
