On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize