need another drink. this is the easiest way
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
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