we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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