He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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