well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
