And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
