Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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