I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
