I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
