oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
