yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
