Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
