I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize