census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
