I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
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