Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize