I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
